The Adventures of James and Sirius
by Phoenix.Secrets
Summary: A collection of random one-shots from the life of best friends, James Potter and Sirius Black. R&R!
1. James and Sirius Take on the Queen

**Author's Note:**

**HEELLLOO READDEERS!  
So, this is a little ... shall we say tribute to James Potter and Sirius Black. It will be comprised of little one-shots about the most random topics you can find. This is the first one, so enjoy for now!**

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**_The Adventures of James and Sirius  
_****James and Sirius Take on the Queen of England**

James and Sirius were rooted to their chairs.

The Queen of England – yes, the actual Queen of England – was sitting across from them, pies spread along the table in front of them.

"Mrs. Queen of England… Are you actually saying you want to challenge us to a pie eating contest?" Sirius inquired, staring open-mouthed at the Queen, not bothering to keep his good-boy façade alive.

"Why, of course! I have heard of your boys' uncanny ability of consuming dozens of pies in only a mere matter of an hour! I wish to challenge you!" The Queen said joyously, like a little girl. The boys exchanged a glance, afraid of what was about to come.

"You're COMPLETELY sure about this, Mrs. Q of E?" James asked, keeping an eye out for her royal guards to come rushing into the room and swiftly take them to prison.

"I am serious." The Queen forged on.

"Actually, I'm Sirius… But if you really want this, then on with it!" Sirius laughed nervously. What had they gotten themselves into?

"Albert!" The Queen cried, making James and Sirius wince back in alarm, "Don't be scared boys! All's well! Albert here is just the man who holds up my hair while I eat vigorously!" She gave the short, plump little man beside her a warm smile. He positioned himself behind the queen, and with both hands grasped her hair and pulled it back.

"I am ready, m'lady," he said.

"Alright, Sirius, James, are you two boys ready to get your … oh how to they say it now-a-days? Are you ready to get your butt-whooped?" The Queen laughed.

"As we'll ever be Q of E!" Sirius supplied, while James whispered, "Did the Queen of England just tell us we were getting our 'butt-whooped'?"

"I'm afraid so, my friend. But we can take her!" Sirius whispered back, fiercly.

"I don't know about this…" James countered.

"Just do it nimrod!"

"Alright!"

"Boys? Are we done whispering?" The Queen whispered across the table.

James cleared his throat loudly and said, "You're on Queenie!"

"Bring it on!"

And the bringing on started.

James and Sirius tore into their pies, eating each with force. Meanwhile, the Queen daintily ate her pies, starting off with an apple-cinnamon crumble. By Albert's count, six minutes in, Sirius had eaten ten pies and working on his eleventh and James was on his nineth, working on both his tenth and eleventh, eating with two forks and a whole lot of mess. The Queen, although was still on her third, eating slowly and gracefully, just like a Queen should.

"We have this one in the bag!" Sirius whisper-shouted to James.

But that's when it hit them – literally.

Two of the Queen's royal guards darted into the room and threw down James and Sirius. They landed on the no-longer-spotless carpet being squished by the bulky bodies of the guards on top of them.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" came from James' and Sirius' mouths, as the guards lay down upon them, pinning them to the ground.

"IS THIS LEGAL?!" Sirius shouted.

The Queen was giggling as she ate more and more.

***

An hour later, Albert called out, "AND ITS OVER!"

The Queen retrieved a napkin from the holder next to her, dabbed at the corners of her mouth, and got up from her seat.

"Well well well… Let's see who's won, shall we?" The Queen's tinkling laugh was humiliating. The buff's gruff grumble was enough to shake the floor, and it did. Sirius and James cried out in some more pain as the guards on top of them laughed.

"Ahh… This hurts you know!" James cried, kicking out.

"CRAP! OW! I NEED THAT PANCREOUS!" Sirius yelled, trying to shove the big guy off of him, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!"

"Of course they know who you are!" The Queen laughed again, as she counted the pies, "Looks like I've won boys! Better luck next time!"

And next moment, they were hurtling top speed toward the sidewalk outside.

As James heaved himself up on his elbows he said, "Did we just get pwned by the Queen of England?"

Sirius got up, leaned over to James and smacked him in the back of the head, "OF COURSE WE DID IDIOT!"

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	2. Sirius Lee Black

**Author's Note:**

**Alright, yesterday I didn't have enough time uploading, and totally forgot half the things I was supposed to write at the beginning of this story. So, heck, why not do it now?  
First, I wish to THANK THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY I have my bestest friends Stefany and Linda. They were the ones who inspired this little ... thing. Here's how it went down:  
**_Me: So, give me some random topic and I'll write a one-shot about it.  
Stefany: PIE! :D  
Me: Okay, so choose: James+Sirius or Fred+George ?  
Stefany: James+Sirius  
Linda: Wait, who's writing this? You?  
Me: Nooo, the Queen of England! *rolls eyes*  
*a few seconds later*  
Me: OHMYGOSH! LINDA YOU'RE A GENIUS!! :O  
Linda: No problem ....? :S  
_**Sooo... Thanks you guys =D  
Secondly, I do not, will not, and have not at anytime owned Harry Potter and his magical world. No matter how much I dream, it just doesn't happen...*shakes head sadly*  
But now, on to the next chapter!  
Warning: I have NOTHING against Black people - in fact, I think you're all just smashing! If you're offended by Black jokes or get offended while reading this chapter, please don't make a big deal. I mean no harm. A little humor didn't hurt nobody, does it? This is just for fun!  
On with the show!  
*Curtain rasies***

**

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****_The Adventures of James and Sirius_  
Sirius Lee Black**

James Potter, his wife Lily Potter, their son Harry Potter and family friend Sirius Black were strolling down Diagon Alley. Numerous shops bore down on them from either side, enclosing the group in a throng of tourists and shoppers, eager to get their days shopping done. Little Harry "ohh"-ed and "ahh"-ed at the interesting shops around him. Some sold broomsticks, some sold pickled toads and others sold some rather gross looking quills and pens. This entire intriguing environment soon becomes so much, Harry just had to go to the washroom. He cried in his stroller, bought at a muggle shop, hoping his mother would soon find the rather uncomfortable mess and cleans it up. As if on cue Lily Potter leaned over the stroller and checked Harry's diaper.

"Awh, James. Looks like Harry went poopie again!" Lily said, exasperated.

"Alright, we can stop at the Leaky Cauldron to clean him up, then head home," James rolled his eyes at the prospect of all that work, "You don't mind Sirius, do you?"

"Nah, if it's for my favourite godson, then it's good for me!" Sirius beamed down at Harry, who beamed right back, mischievously.

"Really, Sirius, we've got to get you out more often…. I haven't even subjected to that yet…. And he's MY son," James joked, smacking his friend on the back. Sirius just gave him a look to shut him up.

The group made their way back through the crowd, Harry crying still. Just as he was creeping up to a decibel only dogs could hear they arrived at the Leaky Cauldron. Straight away, James and Lily sped off towards a closed both in the back where the other customers wouldn't have to endure the stench. Sirius, instead slowly walked up to James, told him he was going off to the bar (while being promptly ignored) and went off in that direction.

Sirius seated himself on one of the stools at the bar, ordering his usual (fire whisky with a hint of lemon). After a little small talk with the bartender, a gorgeous waitress and an angry boyfriend, Sirius found himself sitting next to a wizard from Africa, talking happily about past experiences with Disarming Charms. Once the African guy had finished a long and colourful rant about a Disarming Charm mixed with a piece of toast and some pickled toads, he asked, "Wow, we've been talking so much, but I never got your name!"

Sirius shrugged saying, "Sirius Lee Black." He didn't feel like indulging his real name to him. It took several hours to say, let alone being able to pronounce half of them. He had settled on using Lee as his middle name because …well, what OTHER reason other than that James had told him to.

"Excuse me?" the African man said in a gruff voice, rising to his feet.

Only then did Sirius realize his mistake – and made a mental note to kill his best friend.

The African man standing angrily before him was Black.

"My name. It's Sirius Lee Black!" Sirius said, shrinking a bit on his seat. He didn't look this guy in the eye as he said it.

"You have guts man," Sirius noticed how the muscles in the man's buff arms contracted as he cracked his knuckles.

"Yes," Sirius squeaked, "I'll be ..going now. My friend other there is waiting… His son just needed a chance of diapers…."

"It's alright, I'll see you to the door." The man smiled down at Sirius. He gulped.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I NEED THAT FACE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The extremely offended man had grabbed Sirius by the collar roughly, carried him to the door and swung him out, making him land on the cold, hard sidewalk of the muggle world.

"Ow." Sirius once again squeaked.

"What the HELL are you doing out here, Sirius?"

James' voice had never sounded so good.

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	3. Banding Together!

**Author's Note:**

**I know, I know. I'm late. **

**I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO sorry about the long wait for this one but randomness sometimes just doesn't come to me. I feel quite sad at those times.  
But, I'm here now! Hello! And I have a new chapter!**

**This one is a two shot-er. So, it doesn't end here. Just for you. x]**

**Read & Review!  
(I promise not to keep you waiting so long this time!)**

**Disclaimer: I do not (no matter what the voices say...) own Harry Potter and it's characters-slash-world. That's J.K. Rowling, everybody! Get it straight.**

**And, one more thing. Fanfiction hates me, soo... everything is centered! Don't you love it? Yeah, well, I don't. So, don't mind it! On with the show!**

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_**The Adventures of James and Sirius**_**  
Banding Together!**

_In which The Marauders band together – literally._

"Sirius, you are a pickled-toad genius!" exclaimed James, smacking his friend across the head.

Sirius scowled, rubbing his head. He turned to Remus and Peter, who were seated on the sofa across from them. Peter looked excited, his watery blue eyes brightened and watered even more. Remus on the other hand had his eyebrows raised, probably questioning their non-existent sanity.

"Are you guys friggen kidding me?" Yup, sanity questioning.

"No, no I'm not. I quite like the idea! And, we could practice in this dingy garage! Your parents wouldn't mind, would they Prongs?" Sirius turned back to James, who was sitting next to him on the carpet (which was probably magical).

"I guess not… hell, why not? Let's do it!" he picked himself up and made his way to the corner where his guitar was. "Do you all have instruments?"

"I…I do," said Peter, giggling like a little school girl with pigtails. "A bass guitar."

"Alright, so we've got me on guitar, lookin' hot, might I add, and Wormy over here on bass. Drums anyone?" James looked hopefully over to Remus.

Remus rolled his eyes and said with an air that suggested he really didn't feel like doing this but he only was going to, to please his friends, "Whatever. I'll find a spell to conjure up a drum set; won't be easy though."

"Yay!" James clapped his hands, jumping up and down like a girly girl.

"Never again, Prongs."

"Sorry."

Sirius strode over to the muggle refrigerator on the far wall, retrieved a soda and sat back down, just as James started playing a random song in the background. "Does that mean I'm lead singer?" said Sirius absently.

Remus looked up from his book; Peter looked away from James' fingers playing; James stopped playing abruptly, in the middle of a long note. All three of them had the same expression: wide-eyed fear. Genuine wide-eyed fear.

Sirius Black and singing were two words never used together.

"Hey, buddy, come here!" James put the guitar back on its stand, strode over to Sirius, pulled him up and toward the open garage door, and looked outside. He pointed to the sky, the other arm around Sirius' shoulder and said dramatically, "With this band, we could reach the stars; we could be anybody! Our talent could be spread all over the country and with luck, world-wide!" James paused, moving his pointing hand to face Sirius' chest, "But, with you as lead singer, we might not be able to grow to our full potential, ya know?" He poked his friend in the middle of the chest.

"Yeah, in other words: Padfoot, you suck!" Remus called from behind them.

Sirius shook off James' arm and sat back down on the carpet, frowning. Then he burst into a round of laughter. "I KNOW!" he said, rolling around now, "Can I just be another guitarist?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." James went back to his guitar.

"Well, that still leaves us with one problem: we need a lead singer," stated Sirius, seriously. (Giggle!)

"Why don't we just hold auditions?" Peter volunteered, his face lighting up.

James thought about it. "Heck, why not? But our lead has got to be female! Beautiful and female," he smirked.

Sirius smirked also. "Defiantly."

"Alright, so auditions in a week's time. This garage."

"Let's do it!"

"We were so born for this!" James attempted making his way back to the carpet to sit down but the edge of the carpet felt otherwise; James' shoe caught the edge and he fell right on top of Sirius.

"Yeah, most defiantly," Remus said sarcastically as the other two boys fought and Peter watched hungrily. He rolled his eyes and went back to his book, thoroughly regretting not stopping this idea now.

They were banding together – literally. And Remus had a shrewd suspicion that the auditions wouldn't go as planned, so to speak.

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**Author's Note:**

**Tune in next time to find out what happens at those auditions. But also, when Lily gets thrown into the mix, what in the name of Merlin will she do as their manager?**

**All to be expected next chapter. =)**

**Review? Pretty please? *pout face*  
xoxo;**


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